I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
