She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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