my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
