I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
