Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
