Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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