She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
