id be glad to
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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