It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
