new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
