I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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