I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Of course I have a pirate flag
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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