Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
