i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
