My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
