Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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