So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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