I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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