Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found the puke drawer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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