I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
