You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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