I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
