Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
