yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
