the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
