i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Randomize
