just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
