i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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