Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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