did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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