She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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