The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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