she was so not down for the gang bang
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
