No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
