from now on my penis is your penis
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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