one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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