the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
