that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
