somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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