Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
