she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
