you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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