I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
