Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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