someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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