There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
