Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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