the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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