the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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