I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
