your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
