i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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