I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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