Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
