I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
