you have to choose: penises or morals?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
