Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
