I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
